Tuesday, February 17, 2015

On Nostalgia

Have you ever caught yourself day dreaming about the past? 

I find that sometimes I get a twisted, knotty feeling in my belly when a certain song comes on or I catch a whiff of a certain smell or see a picture pop up online that I had forgotten existed. That one moment, a tiny little reminder of what once was, has the power to send me in a spiral of memories that will flood my brain for the rest of the day. 

I sometimes wonder if it's normal to feel so nostalgic all the time. 

I'm constantly thinking about things that happened in the past as perfect little moments in history. Yet as the moment was happening it didn't feel perfect.  That relationship, friendship, event wasn't the epitome of perfection at that time.  What is it about time passing that makes everything feel infinitely better than what it really was? I guess time has the power to erase all the bad and leave only the good, sweet little details. 

Is this a good thing? Who knows.  Tell me I'm not the only one sitting here battling with my nostalgia. Do you do this too? 


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

A Little 'Refresher Course' on Me.

Miguel's been gone for the last few days on an amazing mountaineering course in New Zealand.  I'm ecstatic that the boy is off exploring and checking off things on his bucketlist, but being up in the mountains means there's no phone reception. I haven't heard from him since Saturday. *sniffle sniffle*

I bet I sound dramatic and overbearing.  I bet if I read this on someone else's blog, I would roll my eyes. I'm not a controlling girlfriend guys, I swear.  I just like to know that he's alive every once in a while.  Just a little smoke signal every now and then to prove that he's still surviving in those New Zealand mountains would be perfect.  That's not asking for too much is it?


So while he's been Bear Grylls-ing his life away, I've been having copious amounts of alone time -- something I haven't had in such abundance of in years.
Hello, Praxis, nice to hang out with you again. 

I wouldn't say I'm reveling in it, but I wouldn't say I'm struggling with it either.  I'm just... alright?

I've been enjoying doing the little things on my own -- going to the gym, cooking my favorite foods, sprawling out on the bed etc.  Those things have been nice.  I've also truly loved not having anything or anyone to worry about other than myself.  It's nice to just think about what I want without having to think about compromising with anyone else.  Not that Miguel and I are in a constant state of compromise, it's just nice to put the romance movie on without getting flack for it.

The other stuff hasn't been so fun though. There's no one to comment on what the contestants are cooking in My Kitchen Rules.  There's no one to share the cheeseboard with.  There's no one to tell me to scoot over on the couch.  There's no one to keep me company in the late hours of the night. That stuff is no fun.

If we put a positive spin on all this it would be something like, Praxis gets to have a refresher course on herself. She gets to reconnect with herself for two weeks, and after she's gotten reacquainted with herself, her guy arrives back home and she gets to continue this relationship with a renewed appreciation for herself and her relationship.  (that's a lot of 'RE's!)

Pretty good right?

So here's to refreshers! May we all get to take little 'refresher courses' in life that remind us who and what we are about.


Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Melbourne Cup 2014!

via my instagram @praxsmiles. I'm a monster, duh!
I'll take any reason to dress up for an occasion, even though everyone else thinks I'm crazy. 

Just four days after I donned my Halloween costume to work, (unheard of in Australia) Melbourne cup has arrived, and you better believe I dressed for the occasion. 

Last year no one at the office really dressed up, so I was slightly weary that history would repeat itself this year. Boy was I wrong! The ladies definitely came with their A game! Lots of fascinators and brightly colored dresses and even the men donned smart (or funny) hats. I was very impressed. 

I think people much appreciate those who are willing to let go and look silly for the sake of fun, than those who are scared they will embarrass themselves. It's so much more worth it to get into the spirit and have a little fun then to do nothing at all.  You never know, you might win a bottle of champagne out of it!

...and just between you and I,  I'd like to think that winning the competition by default last year, inspired folks to get into the spirit this year. I didn't win this time, but I was definitely happy to have some competition. 


Want to see more? Melbourne Cup  2013 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010 

Monday, October 13, 2014

Once upon a time, blogging used to be easier!

I've just fallen into one of those vortex internet holes where one search leads to the next and all of a sudden you're nostalgic for the past and what used to be.  YUP. I found myself scrolling through old facebook pics (sparked by the way, by a creepy stalker guy who does not get the hint! boys, STOP!) and that facebook hunt led me to my TUMBLR archive which sent me in a spiral of reading really good blog posts I used to write.

My writing used to be so much more fluid, and less planned and less worrisome. Now every time I write something here, I type then delete, type then delete in a maddening circle until something half decent comes out.  Before  (when I was younger?) *shudder* I just vomitted out some words, and left it at that.  Looking back at those vomit posts now, they feel more authentic than anything I've posted about in a lonnngg while.

...even if they are just outfit of the day posts... or recipes I typed up really quickly or a summary of my weekend.

They seemed meaningless at the time -- something I typed up quickly to get it out of my system -- but now those posts are much more than that.  They are a summation of that period of my life, particularly in that baby apartment in Newtown during a time when everything: love, country, adulthood was all new. Those posts have gathered up some sort of emotion from me, because here I am writing in a way I haven't in a while.

Hello stream of unconsciousness, nice to see you again.

It was nice to get inspired by my past.  It was nice to hear that blogger voice that was so loud and clear years ago. It's nice to remember that once upon a time, I wasn't blogging for anyone but me.

At one point I decided to change that. Two years ago, I decided that this little blog here was going to be my fresh start, because I was going to take blogging more seriously. I was going to really grow my audience this time. BUT GUESS WHAT! It didn't work! If anything, it RUINED my voice -- regardless of if there is any of you out there that actually read this. That open, honest, authentic voice has been smothered by a much more annoying one that cares too much about presentable photos, interesting topics and 'themed posts'.  How dumb.

Have I woken myself up? Is this a desperate plea to my future self, the one who will write the post to follow this one, saying HEY PRAXIS, BE AUTHENTIC! Write about whatever it is you want! No one reads this anyway! If they do, if there are some souls out there following along, I'm sure they'd much appreciate an honest to goodness Praxis post instead of whatever bullshit that has been living here for the last two years.