Sunday, September 29, 2013

Oh, life.

Bike parked outside the local school Fete last weekend.

I've been trying to think of something clever to write here, but so far no dice.  My thoughts just keep coming back to the feeling I have inside of me when I forget to write for more than a week, and how annoying it is that my computer charger is busted for the second time this year, thus making it hard to post.  Also, I thought maybe doing a 'this week in pictures' would be good, but after looking through my phone, it seems none of the pics are cohesive. So instead, today you just have me and my thoughts. Random as they may be.

I'm feeling over and over again what a crossroads this year has been for me. Work and school are continually pulling me in either direction, and when I focus on one too much, the other tugs at me harder.  I know that school should probably get more of my attention, but for whatever reason, this semester it's just not clicking. I stare down the long road of University that I've just begun, and it only ever feels daunting and scary.  Mostly I'm feeling this way because I'm doing my classes as an 'external' student -- everything online.  So it doesn't feel like I'm back at Uni... it feels like I just added more chores on my already long to do list. Too, I thought the practical unit would help me get excited to be doing this degree.  I mean, what better experience than immersing myself at a daycare could there be for one who is aiming to get her degree in Early Childhood Education?  Well it's been 2 days, and it's been nothing short of difficult. SO. HARD.

They've put me in a nursery with 2 or 3 full time employees and 10 children who are aged between 12 months and 18 months. Holy cannoli. Mostly I'm outside playing with the tiny tots and trying to engage with them in learning through extended play.  Mostly it feels fun and I do my best to take it all in... to watch these children's eyes light up as they grasp a concept or partake in something that brings them joy. Until lunch time hits, they go down for their nap, and I'm left feeling utterly and thoroughly exhausted. The second half of the day always goes the same, with me wondering if this is what I'm really meant to be doing. If I'm already questioning this during my very first practical then something must be wrong. I think I need to book in a meeting with a counselor at school stat.

Not much else goes on between school and work and the everyday ebb and flow that is my life.  Sometimes I feel so boring when people ask what's new? and I have nothing to report.  After getting through the initial knee jerk response of if you read my blog, you'll know! I'm then left feeling quite embarrassed as I say that nothing's new... but secretly, I kind of love that. The last few years have been such growing pains for me. Adjusting to a new country, then adjusting to living on my own, then with Miguel, then working, making friends, living with my sister and her man... it's all been new. ALL of it is new! But hey I guess some people like more excitement in their lives.

I guess all of this to say, life is still crazy, and I'm still working my way through it all, but I'll get there. One thing's for sure, I'm in a much better place now then I was this time last year, jobless and blogging from Parramatta. ;]

xo,
Praxis

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