Monday, October 13, 2014
I've just fallen into one of those vortex internet holes where one search leads to the next and all of a sudden you're nostalgic for the past and what used to be. YUP. I found myself scrolling through old facebook pics (sparked by the way, by a creepy stalker guy who does not get the hint! boys, STOP!) and that facebook hunt led me to my TUMBLR archive which sent me in a spiral of reading really good blog posts I used to write.
My writing used to be so much more fluid, and less planned and less worrisome. Now every time I write something here, I type then delete, type then delete in a maddening circle until something half decent comes out. Before (when I was younger?) *shudder* I just vomitted out some words, and left it at that. Looking back at those vomit posts now, they feel more authentic than anything I've posted about in a lonnngg while.
...even if they are just outfit of the day posts... or recipes I typed up really quickly or a summary of my weekend.
They seemed meaningless at the time -- something I typed up quickly to get it out of my system -- but now those posts are much more than that. They are a summation of that period of my life, particularly in that baby apartment in Newtown during a time when everything: love, country, adulthood was all new. Those posts have gathered up some sort of emotion from me, because here I am writing in a way I haven't in a while.
Hello stream of unconsciousness, nice to see you again.
It was nice to get inspired by my past. It was nice to hear that blogger voice that was so loud and clear years ago. It's nice to remember that once upon a time, I wasn't blogging for anyone but me.
At one point I decided to change that. Two years ago, I decided that this little blog here was going to be my fresh start, because I was going to take blogging more seriously. I was going to really grow my audience this time. BUT GUESS WHAT! It didn't work! If anything, it RUINED my voice -- regardless of if there is any of you out there that actually read this. That open, honest, authentic voice has been smothered by a much more annoying one that cares too much about presentable photos, interesting topics and 'themed posts'. How dumb.
Have I woken myself up? Is this a desperate plea to my future self, the one who will write the post to follow this one, saying HEY PRAXIS, BE AUTHENTIC! Write about whatever it is you want! No one reads this anyway! If they do, if there are some souls out there following along, I'm sure they'd much appreciate an honest to goodness Praxis post instead of whatever bullshit that has been living here for the last two years.
HALLELUJAH I'M BACK.