just like that 4 months have flown by without me writing down one single word. truth be told, i have had nothing to say. i might still have nothing to say.
but today, i'm trying. no capital letters and no edits. today, i'm just going to write for writing's sake.
today was the first day of the semester at university. i spent 4 hours on campus today.. a luxury compared to last semester where i didn't go to school at all. while i walked the corridors and looked at the other students faces, i couldn't help but feel like an outsider. there were so many fresh faced youngins who had just begun their college career, but also so many seasoned pros who walked around like they owned the place. i felt myself relating with both groups of people, but not really belonging into either category.
if i were to examine my own face during the process, it would probably be furrowed brow, eyes down with the word 'confused' written right across it. i must've paced the W building three times looking for the lecture hall. (turns out 'Lotus Theatre' is located in a makeshift tent looking thing near the X buildings. who knew??)
i'm hoping to get rid of all the anxiety/confusion i have about going to uni this year. i'd like very much to get into the habit of actually being on campus and attending lectures in person instead of listening to them all externally. i'd like to stop being an external student all together. so i'm working on that.
there are not many people in the world who actively seek or ask for their full time position to be down graded into a part time one, but that is what i'm asking for. working full time has been amazing in terms of money and more importantly understanding what it's like to be in the 'adult' world, but i think to finally attain my bachelors degree, i need to step down.
it's a scary thought, but so many people get by on a part time income while going to school. i'm sure i can do it.
the other day i was told that having an inspiration board hung somewhere where one can see it every day, dramatically increases the liklihood of that person achieving the goals on the board. maybe that's what i need -- an inspiration board with a college graduate, an airplane and lots of pictures of travel destinations. that way i'll not only be motivated to finish my degree -- i'll reward myself with a looooonnngg trip to somewhere beautiful!
the journey may seem long now, but each step forward is a step closer to it's completion. ... or something like that.